You may envision someone sitting cross-legged on a rock in the middle of the forest for 45 minutes when you hear the term. Mindfulness is actually being present, being aware, and being compassionate with ourselves. We can be mindful in any (and all!) moments of our life.
Life can create a feeling of always rushing, squeezing things in, and never quite doing enough. Sometimes this comes from necessities (showing up on time to work and making sure your kids are in school and fed), and much of it can come from societal pressures and self-judgement to be "better" or "more." Regardless of where it comes from, most of our lives are spent in other moments (past or future), rarely giving time and attention to how we feel right now. What we're doing right now. Who we are with right now.
Mindfulness is simply being HERE
A mindfulness practice is a way to come back to the body, come back to the breath, and experience the moment you're in, right now.
A great teacher of mindfulness, Jon Kabat-Zinn, describes it as, "Paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, to what’s actually happening, non-judgmentally." You may be surprised how much of your day you spend in other moments - thinking about what you said in a meeting at work yesterday, planning how you're going to get one kid to soccer and one to dance and get a healthy dinner ready tonight, worrying about the nightmares your foster child is having. I know I was!
And you may find it difficult at first to be in the moment you're actually in - thinking about your coffee as you make coffee, thinking about tying shoes when you're helping a child tie their shoes.
And, if you're at all like me, you'll find it incredibly hard to not do 3 things at once so you can fit it all in.
Mindfulness for kids
It may be more obvious for you that YOU multi-task, that YOU ruminate on the past, and it may be less obvious that your kids do the same. Children learn from our unspoken behavior, so yes, they are learning to multi-task too. And kids have stressors at school, in their friend groups (or absence of) and in the family structure. They feel pressure just as we do. It may seem insignificant to us, but in their world, their stress is big and real. For children in foster care, they carry the memory (available or blocked) of a traumatic event or many traumatic events. This sits in their brains, colors their emotions, and is likely presenting in their bodies as well (upset tummies, constipation, headaches, inability to concentrate, tight muscles and more).
Mindfulness is removing judgement
As we sit with how we feel or where we are, we also aim to not judge whatever shows up. Feeling sad? Ok, sit in the sadness. Feeling worried or fearful? Ok, be with that fear, seek to understand it. Feeling happy? Ok, really feel your happiness.
Mindful living has two layers. The first layer is being in the present moment. The second layer is compassion for whatever is there. While simple to write or read, these two things are often challenging to do. Monkey Brain and self-judgement are pretty natural for us as humans. The natural thing to do is recognize something, name it bad or good, and then fix the bad. Mindfulness invites us to stop naming things bad or good. Be aware of it, acknowledge it, and move on.
As parents, this is especially important to do out loud with our own emotions or "bad" feelings, talking it out in front of our kids. And it is an opportunity to teach them how to do this for themselves...helping them do it as they learn. You can start with an easy activity, like the one below, to dive in without feeling overwhelmed. Then you can add more mindfulness as new things happen in the day or week. Check out other blog posts for more activity ideas.
Activity 1
Details on easy activity here